Dear Cynthia. A note to my ten year old self.

Dear Cynthia,

It must be a tough time in your life as you just completed a decade of your life on earth. You are in your final years of being just a kid and on the verge of heading onto puberty. You just read your first non-fiction book and of all books you decided to read, “Murder in the 1940’s” by a Colin Wilson, only because your Mum told you not to read that particular book and you smuggled it to school to read that. I can see you sitting in front of that Grade four Red classroom in Kimbe Primary reading that book sipping on that raspberry flavoured ice-block. Every now and again a classmate drops by to ask for half ice which basically means you break off a piece of ice from the ice block and give them with your bare hands which they casually pop into their mouth and be off running to their next game. Your friends often play high-jump or skipping at breaks but you are basically useless at sports so you just observe.

Dear Cynthia, I know you are uncomfortable wearing that wrap-around uniform skirt because you think it makes you look fat so you instead choose one of the dark blue skirts that hand me downs from your sister. I wish I could tell you now how you should not worry about your weight, that what makes you self-conscious will be your compliment as you grow older. I know you are obsessing about your new exercise books and you have pledged that you will keep your books neater this year or improve your handwriting which I can agree is terrible. If I could tell you what I know now I’ll tell you to scribble more, dabble a bit more on the margins, you won’t need perfect hand writing when you grow up but you’ll need those poems that you dribble on the sides, they will take you through dark nights.

I can see you buying your doughnuts for lunch and sit under the tree with your friends pouring ice-block on the doughnut to flavour the doughnut before you have it. You all are hiding from that classmate that always asks for half a doughnut or iceblock. How I could tell you that one day you will be able to buy the whole container of doughnuts if you wanted to. What you could not take back though is the laughter under that tree and the discussions of young inquisitive minds. Afternoon comes around and you trudge slowly to walk to town to get on the bus home. I can see you being thirsty and wishing you had an extra 20 toea for an iceblock. If only you know that you will later have all the refreshing beverages you would want but nothing can match the kindness of a friend giving you water from her house.

On speech day you were bummed that they were presenting certificates instead of the prizes that they usually give. If I could tell you now that those awards are worth so much more than any dictionary and biro pack you could have received. You are wearing your light blue printed collar shirt which has got something printed on it your mum got that for you at Didiman Stoa, a favourite. You’re conscious your skirt hem has come lose and it’s a bit too long as it is another hand me down but you still refuse to wear that wrap-around uniform. If I could tell you that the determination in that young mind will bring your along in life well. The hot sun beats down on your head your hair already messed up. You can never be neat for long. That does not matter though, life is too short to have perfect hair and clean clothes all the time. You will miss the feel of the soft cushiony grass that you are now walking on.

Your Aunties have packed a lot of water-melon and fruits and you have creamed corn in case you get hungry. I hope you could savour that a moment longer, we only have a limited time to be kids and then we start having responsibilities. You and your family walk back into town to go home, you with your certificates packed away in your bag still disappointed that they decided to do away with prizes and all you have are pieces of paper. Your aunties and Mum very proud of you and your sister but they don’t say ‘much because it’s just not the way it is with us.

There’s so much to live for Cynthia, so many things you will do with your life. So many friends you will make, you will see a few of the countries that you read about in those books. You will earn the money you hope to earn, the next decade will be tough dear girl but you will get through that just fine. You will not get all that you want but life is beautiful. If I could tell you what I know now, the longing for something better must not make you rush through life. The journey is just as important as the destination. The half ice blocks shared, the laughter that comes right from the heart, the inquisitive minds, the walking home in the hot sun and stopping by a friend’s house to drink water will be some of the happiest recollections for you.